How to deal with a narcissist.

The Narcissist,

Has little or any persona they reflect whom they are with if you like music say organ they like it too. The main thing to remember they are child like characters at heart.

My partner was a narc, so I became my own investigator as felt something was off? I noticed if we were holding hands as soon as 11:pm came they would snatch away no emotion to get ready for home. I never meet their friends, he would tell he was out with an old friend.

I was not invited in case I suspect they would tell me something the narc did not want known to me, they lead 2 or 3 different lives not wanting these lives to meet like planets in the sky.

But when I finished with narc I knew he would go to this sheltered housing complex, so I went along, he nearly died when he saw me? He was like a gremlin red nervous and I loved every minute. I found out he had this lady on a piece of string for 13 years, why she never suspected I  don't know. He is gay and i called him out that night in front of them all. And informed them I was never asked to meet them.

Narcs should be called out he was arrogant and thought he was oh so clever! then he met me. My mom was a narc and I learned from a young age how to deal with my mother.

I also used all modern tracking devices  to check on him and his adventures, it was early in the relationship, all appeared ok he did not lie he just did not tell you the full story. Below me being sneaky and why not we live in a very strange and evil world.

Speaking to friends they did the same thing as I early in their relationship to protect yourself, these people can be dangerous, I had a Psychologist as a friend who gave me tips and what to look for each day little traps were set nothing much came out.

 He now wants to be friends, the investigations will continue I have lots more to find out why? it is like a book and you want the end story I do Narcs have no love no respect no morals your an object to keep like a vase or a car, so you will never get that love you give back! I had my Narc car tracked and also read his fone while he was asleep. I know some think that is extreme, but I knew what I was dealing with.

1. Trauma Bonding they attach you to them by false love

2 Sneaky days without a explanation

3 Future promising of holidays etc etc never happening.

4 Triangulation when they set you up against ex partners

What I suggest is always meet his ex if he is still talking to them. speak to people who knew them as man and wife.

I found my narcs lies from his ex 18 months later, I knew he did not want me to meet her.

Narcs never invite you to their home, they come to you so no ones knows.

Always mirror their actions if he mentions his ex start mentioning yours, and invent a romantic person who loves you and would be in a relationship if you were not with the narc.

If his family know he/she is a narc they enable the action so do not expect any support there, they are glad they do not have to deal with it.

Narcs have addictions drugs, booze or porn. 

Always make up a life that they have no part of do not introduce the narc to your friends, as they won't let you meet theirs.

Remember they are evil, cruel and dangerous to your health. I have many friends that helped and supported me through this awful time.

Also the next person they meet will go through the same treatment your lucky it is not you. My narc was arrogant and was never caught out till he entered my life. Venture over!

All the best

Chris Rogers 2025

Antidepressants/mood stabilizers/withdrawal and more?

 In the news at the current time are Antidepressants, getting on them and coming off them is most important.

The type of ssri is important too some have a short life 24-48 hours then you get withdrawal if you stop, where prozac has several days life, so it is best to taper or cut down as it is known to everyday people.

You can change your ssri to a long lasting one when you want to taper off. See  GP or Psychiatrist for tapering and med changes. I have recently had to come off sertraline when I tried to cut the 25mg I suffered bad withdrawal. I understand a 20mg liquid is available, and a Prozac liquid cutting by 3mg a week is the best or even a fortnight. Why does this matter? having bipolar 2 makes all meds matter and no way should you ever take ssri's without a mood stabilizers otherwise you could go high and manic.

Mood stabilizers are Lamotrigine and Lithium always start all meds at low doses why? I was on Quetiapine 300mg for a year almost asleep 247 so I only needed 25mg my system was sensitive to meds.

 Be kind to yourself because withdrawal is murder and can be brutal too if it takes you 6 months no worries. These pills are given quite freely without a thought on how to get off them. Insist on a tapering schedule. It can include liquid sertraline and a syringe 2.5g per fortnight or month if it helps to stop withdrawal. You can ask for fluxatine prozac 10mg easier to taper and in liquid form too take advice never do it on your own...

Zopiclone is another difficult to quit cut slowly 3.5mg is the lowest dose but you can cut into 3 quarters for weeks then half for weeks then jump off all together, Again take GP/Consultant advice, I was addicted for 3 years and managed to quit.

The side effects whilst on them were; as below 1 to 11.

 Lamical/Lamotragine 25mg to 300mg.

1. Tiredness 2 IBS 3. depression 4.anxiety 5 Suicidal thoughts 6. memory issues 7.hot sweats 8.confushion 9.mood changes 10.desperation 11.sadness.

The above can happen with Ssri's too. Sertraline is one of the worst also known as Zoloft in America,

Try not to read the horror stories online, it can be difficult but help is available people like Mind nationwide have lots of tips too. I am only speaking with over 40 years of mental health issues I am not a Doctor so please use your own thoughts and always consult medically trained people...

Good luck be kind to yourself it matters.

Chris Rogers 2023.

Rita Williams Queen of the covers a forgotten voice 1920-71.

 Rita Williams is just a memory today? her voice was hailed as the queen of the covers, first with Crown records 1936 and later with Embassy both labels cheap covers sold at Woolworths too.

A friend long gone sent me a note about Rita, saying he met her all 4ft 7 of her she was quite tiny and wore pixie kind of clothes. The interesting bit for me is her long affair with Teddie Holmes, Gracie Fields pianist at one time.

Philip Green used Rita and her smooth vocals on quite a number of Columbia red 78rpms in the late 40's, she also acted with Hattie Jaques and Eric Sykes, In Sykes and A 1964.

Rita below 1957. Band Of Gold for Embassy 1956 again a cover of a US cover the British Singer was Rosemary Squires...

Rita also did jingles to for Radio Luxembourg.

Top  left Teddie Holmes with Gracie Fields South Africa 1945.

Rita recorded two Gracie Fields numbers Now Is The Hour 1947, and Popa Won't You Dance With Me 1948.  The Rita Williams singers performed on record with Shirley Bassey and Gracie Fields among the many other artists. 

A selection of Rita's records for Embassy can be found on You Tube, so do take a listen.

The last record Rita Made was for Gemini records Your Nearer in 1970 it sounds very plush indeed.

Chris Rogers music historian 2022.

"I would rather spit in the devils eye than lick my wounds and cry" Dot Squires 1915-1998.

 Dorothy Squires was the second Wife of actor Sir Roger Moore and a big star when they met in 1952, Dot held one of her fabulous parties, and Roger carried upstairs to bed.

Below: Dot & Roger early in their relationship the posh and becks of their day!

The rest is history and a turbulent time was had by all really? yes really!. Dorothy was married to Billy Reid composer of;"The Gypsy" "This Is My Mother Day" "I'm walking Behind You" domestic bliss could not describe this marriage jealousy on Reid's part led to rows and he physically hit Dot"

Meeting Roger after leaving Billy was to be heaven, but sadly this marriage feel apart due to Roger's affairs both lived in Hollywood at the time Roger film making he met Luisa Mattioli and their affair was uncovered by letter sent to Roger. Whilst in America Elvis Presley took his mom to see Dot in Concert several nights in a row, his mother Gladys was a big fan and had her records imported in to America.

 Below; A pop Art print By Chris Rogers, based on an original 1958 picture of Rog & Dot at Bexley 1958.

Dorothy's world feel apart but she would rise again just like a pheonix from the ashes, she had put her career on hold to make Roger a star and she did.

Above Billie Anthony, Dot and Vera Lynn 1961.

Feeling unwanted she followed her own path and built on her career recording 3 top 30 singles for President records "For Once In My Life", "Till" , and "My Way" Dot hired the London Palladium in 1970, and sold out with an hour. The powers that be tried to stop Dot but the public wanted her, and this was proved over and over again.

Sadly by the 70's she was spending vast amounts of money on legal matters suing for the slightest thing, she was made bankrupt in 1988, and had to leave her lovely home. she  moved to and lived in Ackworth in a rented cottage by a fan, and vanished from public view. Dot moved from Ackworth to Wales a house which was rented from Esme Coles.

Dot at Carnegie Hall 1974.

One last concert in 1990 at the Brighton Dome and that was that. I began writing to Dot in 1992 and continued to her death in 1998. We spoke on the phone, I put Jean Fergusson in touch with Dot, who was writing "She Knows You Know" A biography of Hylda Baker also a play whereI met Jean at The Wolverhampton Grand, we remained friend till jean passed on in 2019.

Below:

 a lovely reply I got from Dot in 1996.

Dot was a rock star before the word had been invented  pills, booze, fights and the gutter press Mr Murdoch put pay to this true character.

I told Dot to tell her story on TV and she did the slate shortly before her death, from Cancer, Roger and Dot had been in contact in her later years, he paid for her BUPA treatment when she was ill and phoned her shortly before her death.

Some people are unique and like Piaf and Garland who were tragic, and had a big gay following we had Dorothy Squires,who was tougher no doubt but so loved. Shirley Bassey followed on from Dorothy for sure everyone has a mentor....

"Say It With Flowers" was her biggest hit self penned to the song was  too if flowers were a sign of love you had a  2 mile garden all to yourself. The Bette Davis of song was how she was described on her passing. Johnny Tudors book "My Heart Is Bleeding" is a fascinating first hand account of her life a must read for sure.

God bless you Edna May Squires Dotty as they come!

Chris Rogers 2021.

Bipolar, Grief and Lockdown 2020 (A cocktail of emotions)

 You can make a wonderful cocktail with various spirits and the glass is stylish too? I love a challenge but 2020 was a bit too much. My partner passed away on April 7th 2020.

we celebrated 25 years together, sadly the last two weeks we could not see each other because of the restrictions Covid-19 and his end of life home. Some friends suggested I write a short blog to maybe help and inform others?

Bipolar is a difficult illness at the best of times and my medications help, but not for grief you still cry and that has to be healthy, and quite normal, Feeling numb is quite the norm believe me. Anger is another emotion that comes with grief. You will never be slim on medication another sad fact! weight gain is part of the treatment with medications. so you can be slim and ill? or fat and happy? no contest I will take the weight gain anyday.

Sleeping tablets are a god send when you loose someone, because you need to rest your body, mind and spirit really you do.

12 months is the hardest part an anniversary of a passing causes great  turmoil to your very core, you think how can I go on? but you do, most people think of their loved one daily. My dad died in 1992 and my mom in 2001 not a day goes by when they are not in my thoughts,

The pandemic was a real devil too I have lost a few friends to Covid-19. I hope we can reset to what is important and what is not, I have read many books on mental health, and have learned a lot along the way, friends who had experienced mental health issues in lockdown sought my advice,

After 48 years of illness I learned one or two things along the way a bad day is just that tomorrow will and could be better?

Friends were  so kind they really are angels but you sort the genuine ones from the false ones. Cruise is another great organisation and so is Bipolar UK,

Counselling for grief is a must even if you cannot get it on the NHS, Go private costs around £40 per hourly sessions,  much as friends help, they have their own problems and they can help you in a small way,

Medication wise my meds were increased due to grief walking and talking helps but trapped in grief in a lockdown has been a tough one for everyone.

I hate Covid -19 as it stopped me seeing my loved one and that is something the mere name makes the fires of hell in me burn with rage..

Peace and happiness

Christopher Rogers, 2021.